Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize