just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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