I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
