Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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