i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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