They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My vagina is officially offended.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
