3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
