just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
