Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize