is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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