why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
