Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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