That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
