I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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