I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
