Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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