I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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