its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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