all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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