In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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