cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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