All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
