You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
