Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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