the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
