just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You need Xanax blowdarts
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
