How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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