I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
