but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
