I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
