The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
