Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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