a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
