I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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