I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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