Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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