My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
