did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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