Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
