She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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