do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When are your genitals available?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize