just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
