We're like a lot better than the average bears
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's always time for handjobs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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