You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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