im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
