You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
