You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
