i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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