Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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