EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
