Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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